1. 12 Years a Slave will win Best Picture.

2. A joint CNN/Fox/YouTube/Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream national poll will reveal that 97% of Americans correctly predicted this year’s Best Picture winner.

3. The poll will have a +3% / - 70% margin of error.

4. During the acceptance speech, 12 Years co-producer Brad Pitt will go on too long thanking the Academy, his hair stylist, and Angelina Jolie’s various adopted children.

5. Following Pitt’s speech, 12 Years director Steve McQueen will take the mic. Facing pressure from key advertisers, ABC will cue the cut-off-music just seven seconds into McQueen’s remarks. 

6. Within 13 minutes, Salon.com will post an article titled, “The Academy Awards' Race Problem,” wherein Joan Walsh will spend 600 words recapping the Pitt-McQueen speech incident.

7. Her underlying points will actually be right, just for all the wrong reasons.

You’ve got plenty of excuses for passing on Her, a playful, surprisingly earnest sci-fi romance by Spike Jonze. Take the silly premise (a lonely man falling in love with his operating system); add some uncomfortable, man-on-machine innuendo; and swirl it together with a mopey, listless Joaquin Phoenix. No one will blame you for picking Mr. DiCaprio over Mr. Phoenix, or for choosing con artists over cyber sex. No doubt, you can skip Her and have a genuinely pleasant evening. You’ll just be missing one of the three best, most insightful films of 2013.