From left: Kanye West, Vampire Weekend, Daft Punk
I'm not a music critic by trade, but I'll take any opportunity to create a̶n̶ ̶a̶r̶b̶i̶t̶r̶a̶r̶y̶ a smart scoring rubric.
Example: my thorough assessment of 2012's best film
Today's Candidates:
Yeezus by Kanye West
Random Access Memories by Daft Punk
Modern Vampires of the City by Vampire Weekend
The Formula
LY x 0.3 + PV x 0.2 + CT x 0.1 + MU x 0.4 = Overall Score
where
LY = Lyrics
PV = Production Value
CT = Catchiness
MU = Musicality
The Categories
Lyrics (30%) Does the album raise important questions about life and/or provide thoughtful commentary on society? If not, do the songs at least sound clever? If not, do the lyrics at least avoid making the listener dumber?
Production Value (20%) Does the record sound polished? Do the studio effects complement the melodies, distract from the melodies, or both?
Catchiness (10%) When you finish the album, do you want to listen to the songs again? That sound you heard was a couple dozen music snobs closing their browser. But catchiness does matter to most of us, at least a bit.
Musicality (40%) This catch-all category encompasses everything outside of the lyrics, production value, and catchiness. In other words, how good are the songs at their most foundational level? Are they thoughtfully constructed? Do the artists take risks? Do the various instruments and vocalists work together convincingly?
Example: my thorough assessment of 2012's best film
Today's Candidates:
Yeezus by Kanye West
Random Access Memories by Daft Punk
Modern Vampires of the City by Vampire Weekend
The Formula
LY x 0.3 + PV x 0.2 + CT x 0.1 + MU x 0.4 = Overall Score
where
LY = Lyrics
PV = Production Value
CT = Catchiness
MU = Musicality
The Categories
Lyrics (30%) Does the album raise important questions about life and/or provide thoughtful commentary on society? If not, do the songs at least sound clever? If not, do the lyrics at least avoid making the listener dumber?
Production Value (20%) Does the record sound polished? Do the studio effects complement the melodies, distract from the melodies, or both?
Catchiness (10%) When you finish the album, do you want to listen to the songs again? That sound you heard was a couple dozen music snobs closing their browser. But catchiness does matter to most of us, at least a bit.
Musicality (40%) This catch-all category encompasses everything outside of the lyrics, production value, and catchiness. In other words, how good are the songs at their most foundational level? Are they thoughtfully constructed? Do the artists take risks? Do the various instruments and vocalists work together convincingly?
Yeezus - Kanye West
My take, pretending to be a music critic
Yeezus is a study in extremes. The record swings from nihilistic to desperate to hopeful, all in 40 short minutes. Kanye blends bold compositional risks with choice sampling, weaving rap, soul, electronica, and punk. Though the lyrics prove unchallenging, the beats themselves demand repeat listening.
There's nothing on here as catchy as hits like Heartless or Gold Digger, but there's nothing as safe either. Like the title of album itself, Yeezus is an enigma. But for a generation raised on Katy Perry and Justin Bieber? Perhaps it's just what we need.
My take, just being me
Somehow, Kanye wrests the "Worst Lyrics of 2013" award from the manicured hands of Justin Timberlake. These are actual lyrics from a track called "I Am A God:"
Yeezus is a study in extremes. The record swings from nihilistic to desperate to hopeful, all in 40 short minutes. Kanye blends bold compositional risks with choice sampling, weaving rap, soul, electronica, and punk. Though the lyrics prove unchallenging, the beats themselves demand repeat listening.
There's nothing on here as catchy as hits like Heartless or Gold Digger, but there's nothing as safe either. Like the title of album itself, Yeezus is an enigma. But for a generation raised on Katy Perry and Justin Bieber? Perhaps it's just what we need.
My take, just being me
Somehow, Kanye wrests the "Worst Lyrics of 2013" award from the manicured hands of Justin Timberlake. These are actual lyrics from a track called "I Am A God:"
I am a god
So hurry up with my damn massage
In a French-ass restaurant
Hurry up with my damn croissants
I am a god
I wish I could say, "I can't make this stuff up," but the sad fact is: I could easily make this stuff up. To wit:
I am a god
So sing a song bout my damn garage
In a church's parking lot
Sing a song bout my entourage
I am a god
Scoring Summary
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Best tracks: New Slaves, Black Skinhead
Worst track: I'm In It
Lyrics: 2 / 10
Production Value: 9 / 10
Catchiness: 3 / 10
Musicality: 9 / 10
Overall Score: 6.3 / 10
The tracks below will play in Spotify when clicked. Not signed up? Click here to join for free.
Best tracks: New Slaves, Black Skinhead
Worst track: I'm In It
Lyrics: 2 / 10
Production Value: 9 / 10
Catchiness: 3 / 10
Musicality: 9 / 10
Overall Score: 6.3 / 10
Random Access Memories - Daft Punk
My take, pretending to be a music critic
More human, more instrumental, and more immediately accessible than much of Daft Punk's previous work, Random Access Memories does several things right and few things wrong. Disco-influenced "Giorgio by Moroder" proudly displays Daft Punk's mastery of groove while "Lose Yourself to Dance" and "Get Lucky" feature fresh, human vocals far removed from the mechanical warbles of Punk past. At their most fundamental, none of the songs on Memories have the creative structure of those on Yeezus, but it hardly ends up mattering. No band does a standard 2-5-1 chord progression like these guys.
My take, just being me
Stephen Colbert famously asked several liberal pundits and politicians whether George W. Bush was a "great president" or "the greatest president." It's a familiar meme that's taken several forms online. My personal favorite? Bad vs. Best. Ex: "The Voice…Bad show? Or BEST show?"
That's the same question I have about Daft Punk. Are they a bad band, or the BEST band? I'm being entirely serious. The grooves are simultaneously immaculate and repetitive. The lyrics aren't awful (see West, Kanye); they're just nothing special. But sometimes I think they might be brilliant. To me, Daft Punk has the same sort of mystical power as a John Edward psychic reading, Pantene Pro-V shampoo ad, or pancake spatula informercial. On some level, it's all nonsense, but give me two beers and deep tissue massage and I'll believe every word.
Scoring Summary
Best tracks: Giorgio by Moroder, Lose Yourself to Dance
Worst track: Touch
Lyrics: 5 / 10
Production Value: 9 / 10
Catchiness: 8 / 10
Musicality: 6 / 10
Overall Score: 6.5 / 10
More human, more instrumental, and more immediately accessible than much of Daft Punk's previous work, Random Access Memories does several things right and few things wrong. Disco-influenced "Giorgio by Moroder" proudly displays Daft Punk's mastery of groove while "Lose Yourself to Dance" and "Get Lucky" feature fresh, human vocals far removed from the mechanical warbles of Punk past. At their most fundamental, none of the songs on Memories have the creative structure of those on Yeezus, but it hardly ends up mattering. No band does a standard 2-5-1 chord progression like these guys.
My take, just being me
Stephen Colbert famously asked several liberal pundits and politicians whether George W. Bush was a "great president" or "the greatest president." It's a familiar meme that's taken several forms online. My personal favorite? Bad vs. Best. Ex: "The Voice…Bad show? Or BEST show?"
That's the same question I have about Daft Punk. Are they a bad band, or the BEST band? I'm being entirely serious. The grooves are simultaneously immaculate and repetitive. The lyrics aren't awful (see West, Kanye); they're just nothing special. But sometimes I think they might be brilliant. To me, Daft Punk has the same sort of mystical power as a John Edward psychic reading, Pantene Pro-V shampoo ad, or pancake spatula informercial. On some level, it's all nonsense, but give me two beers and deep tissue massage and I'll believe every word.
Scoring Summary
Best tracks: Giorgio by Moroder, Lose Yourself to Dance
Worst track: Touch
Lyrics: 5 / 10
Production Value: 9 / 10
Catchiness: 8 / 10
Musicality: 6 / 10
Overall Score: 6.5 / 10
Modern Vampires of the City - Vampire Weekend
My take, pretending to be a music critic
Sometimes witty and always vulnerable, Modern Vampires of the City explores the loss of relevance, love, and faith. "You ought to spare your face the razor," sings Ezra Koenig in the record's opening track, "because no one's gonna spare the time for you." Unlike Vampire Weekend's first two albums, Modern Vampires keeps the cleverness in check, trading nimble wordplay for deeper, more thoughtful material. "Obvious Bicycle" laments irrelevance. The haunting "Hannah Hunt" masquerades as a routine ballad, only to wallop the listener with the suffocating sadness of a couple doomed to fail. "Worship You" and "Ya Hey" explore Koenig's faltering belief—he seems ready to leave his faith behind, but his uncertainty lingers on every note.
Meanwhile, multi-instrumentalist Rostam Batmanglij balances creativity and subtlety perfectly, respecting Koenig's vocals, yet injecting each track with his trademark experimentation. What results is an album that deserves two careful listens: one for the story and another for the deft musical innovation. A sonic delight.
My take, just being me
Between an album about African American culture and the excesses of wealth (Yeezus), a disco-tribue record from a couple of French dudes (Random Access Memories), and Modern Vampires of the City, perhaps it's no wonder that I resonate most with the preppy, Ivy League-educated group of white guys struggling through their late-twenties. Though a few of the album's tracks border on sacrilegious (ex: the repeated chanting of "Ya Hey;" the "Worship You" track that sounds just like the latest David Crowder Christian hit), I can identify with Koenig's struggle with faith, even if he and I have reached separate conclusions. And that Hannah Hunt song—down to its description of Santa Barbara beaches—is almost eerie in its mirroring of my own experiences. It's rare that I connect with a new album so immediately, but such is the case with Modern Vampires of the City.
Scoring Summary
Best tracks: Hannah Hunt, Unbelievers
Worst track: Don't Lie
Lyrics: 9 / 10
Production Value: 8 / 10
Catchiness: 7 / 10
Musicality: 8 / 10
Overall Score: 8.2 / 10
Sometimes witty and always vulnerable, Modern Vampires of the City explores the loss of relevance, love, and faith. "You ought to spare your face the razor," sings Ezra Koenig in the record's opening track, "because no one's gonna spare the time for you." Unlike Vampire Weekend's first two albums, Modern Vampires keeps the cleverness in check, trading nimble wordplay for deeper, more thoughtful material. "Obvious Bicycle" laments irrelevance. The haunting "Hannah Hunt" masquerades as a routine ballad, only to wallop the listener with the suffocating sadness of a couple doomed to fail. "Worship You" and "Ya Hey" explore Koenig's faltering belief—he seems ready to leave his faith behind, but his uncertainty lingers on every note.
Meanwhile, multi-instrumentalist Rostam Batmanglij balances creativity and subtlety perfectly, respecting Koenig's vocals, yet injecting each track with his trademark experimentation. What results is an album that deserves two careful listens: one for the story and another for the deft musical innovation. A sonic delight.
My take, just being me
Between an album about African American culture and the excesses of wealth (Yeezus), a disco-tribue record from a couple of French dudes (Random Access Memories), and Modern Vampires of the City, perhaps it's no wonder that I resonate most with the preppy, Ivy League-educated group of white guys struggling through their late-twenties. Though a few of the album's tracks border on sacrilegious (ex: the repeated chanting of "Ya Hey;" the "Worship You" track that sounds just like the latest David Crowder Christian hit), I can identify with Koenig's struggle with faith, even if he and I have reached separate conclusions. And that Hannah Hunt song—down to its description of Santa Barbara beaches—is almost eerie in its mirroring of my own experiences. It's rare that I connect with a new album so immediately, but such is the case with Modern Vampires of the City.
Scoring Summary
Best tracks: Hannah Hunt, Unbelievers
Worst track: Don't Lie
Lyrics: 9 / 10
Production Value: 8 / 10
Catchiness: 7 / 10
Musicality: 8 / 10
Overall Score: 8.2 / 10
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