He brought back the director (Gus Van Sant). He donned the same pouty, misunderstood face. He even co-wrote the script with another classically handsome, questionably capable actor (John Krasinski instead of Ben Affleck). But with Promised Land, Matt Damon fails to recapture the magic of Good Will Hunting, the 1997 feel-good drama about a gifted young man and his unconventional therapist.
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I'm not a music critic by trade, but I'll take any opportunity to create a̶n̶ ̶a̶r̶b̶i̶t̶r̶a̶r̶y̶ a smart scoring rubric. Example: my thorough assessment of 2012's best film Today's Candidates: Yeezus by Kanye West Random Access Memories by Daft Punk Modern Vampires of the City by Vampire Weekend The Formula LY x 0.3 + PV x 0.2 + CT x 0.1 + MU x 0.4 = Overall Score where LY = Lyrics PV = Production Value CT = Catchiness MU = Musicality The Categories Lyrics (30%) Does the album raise important questions about life and/or provide thoughtful commentary on society? If not, do the songs at least sound clever? If not, do the lyrics at least avoid making the listener dumber? Production Value (20%) Does the record sound polished? Do the studio effects complement the melodies, distract from the melodies, or both? Catchiness (10%) When you finish the album, do you want to listen to the songs again? That sound you heard was a couple dozen music snobs closing their browser. But catchiness does matter to most of us, at least a bit. Musicality (40%) This catch-all category encompasses everything outside of the lyrics, production value, and catchiness. In other words, how good are the songs at their most foundational level? Are they thoughtfully constructed? Do the artists take risks? Do the various instruments and vocalists work together convincingly? Yeezus - Kanye WestMy take, pretending to be a music critic Yeezus is a study in extremes. The record swings from nihilistic to desperate to hopeful, all in 40 short minutes. Kanye blends bold compositional risks with choice sampling, weaving rap, soul, electronica, and punk. Though the lyrics prove unchallenging, the beats themselves demand repeat listening. There's nothing on here as catchy as hits like Heartless or Gold Digger, but there's nothing as safe either. Like the title of album itself, Yeezus is an enigma. But for a generation raised on Katy Perry and Justin Bieber? Perhaps it's just what we need. My take, just being me Somehow, Kanye wrests the "Worst Lyrics of 2013" award from the manicured hands of Justin Timberlake. These are actual lyrics from a track called "I Am A God:" I am a god I wish I could say, "I can't make this stuff up," but the sad fact is: I could easily make this stuff up. To wit: I am a god Scoring Summary The tracks below will play in Spotify when clicked. Not signed up? Click here to join for free. Best tracks: New Slaves, Black Skinhead Worst track: I'm In It Lyrics: 2 / 10 Production Value: 9 / 10 Catchiness: 3 / 10 Musicality: 9 / 10 Overall Score: 6.3 / 10 Random Access Memories - Daft PunkMy take, pretending to be a music critic More human, more instrumental, and more immediately accessible than much of Daft Punk's previous work, Random Access Memories does several things right and few things wrong. Disco-influenced "Giorgio by Moroder" proudly displays Daft Punk's mastery of groove while "Lose Yourself to Dance" and "Get Lucky" feature fresh, human vocals far removed from the mechanical warbles of Punk past. At their most fundamental, none of the songs on Memories have the creative structure of those on Yeezus, but it hardly ends up mattering. No band does a standard 2-5-1 chord progression like these guys. My take, just being me Stephen Colbert famously asked several liberal pundits and politicians whether George W. Bush was a "great president" or "the greatest president." It's a familiar meme that's taken several forms online. My personal favorite? Bad vs. Best. Ex: "The Voice…Bad show? Or BEST show?" That's the same question I have about Daft Punk. Are they a bad band, or the BEST band? I'm being entirely serious. The grooves are simultaneously immaculate and repetitive. The lyrics aren't awful (see West, Kanye); they're just nothing special. But sometimes I think they might be brilliant. To me, Daft Punk has the same sort of mystical power as a John Edward psychic reading, Pantene Pro-V shampoo ad, or pancake spatula informercial. On some level, it's all nonsense, but give me two beers and deep tissue massage and I'll believe every word. Scoring Summary Best tracks: Giorgio by Moroder, Lose Yourself to Dance Worst track: Touch Lyrics: 5 / 10 Production Value: 9 / 10 Catchiness: 8 / 10 Musicality: 6 / 10 Overall Score: 6.5 / 10 Modern Vampires of the City - Vampire WeekendMy take, pretending to be a music critic Sometimes witty and always vulnerable, Modern Vampires of the City explores the loss of relevance, love, and faith. "You ought to spare your face the razor," sings Ezra Koenig in the record's opening track, "because no one's gonna spare the time for you." Unlike Vampire Weekend's first two albums, Modern Vampires keeps the cleverness in check, trading nimble wordplay for deeper, more thoughtful material. "Obvious Bicycle" laments irrelevance. The haunting "Hannah Hunt" masquerades as a routine ballad, only to wallop the listener with the suffocating sadness of a couple doomed to fail. "Worship You" and "Ya Hey" explore Koenig's faltering belief—he seems ready to leave his faith behind, but his uncertainty lingers on every note. Meanwhile, multi-instrumentalist Rostam Batmanglij balances creativity and subtlety perfectly, respecting Koenig's vocals, yet injecting each track with his trademark experimentation. What results is an album that deserves two careful listens: one for the story and another for the deft musical innovation. A sonic delight. My take, just being me Between an album about African American culture and the excesses of wealth (Yeezus), a disco-tribue record from a couple of French dudes (Random Access Memories), and Modern Vampires of the City, perhaps it's no wonder that I resonate most with the preppy, Ivy League-educated group of white guys struggling through their late-twenties. Though a few of the album's tracks border on sacrilegious (ex: the repeated chanting of "Ya Hey;" the "Worship You" track that sounds just like the latest David Crowder Christian hit), I can identify with Koenig's struggle with faith, even if he and I have reached separate conclusions. And that Hannah Hunt song—down to its description of Santa Barbara beaches—is almost eerie in its mirroring of my own experiences. It's rare that I connect with a new album so immediately, but such is the case with Modern Vampires of the City. Scoring Summary Best tracks: Hannah Hunt, Unbelievers Worst track: Don't Lie Lyrics: 9 / 10 Production Value: 8 / 10 Catchiness: 7 / 10 Musicality: 8 / 10 Overall Score: 8.2 / 10 With a silly title, safe plot, and Brad Pitt hair mop to make Tom Brady jealous, World War Z might seem like a dead film walking. Instead, it's a feisty thriller that does nearly everything right.
Until last week, I had a secret. Despite my love for film, high regard for Django Unchained, and admiring account of Quentin Tarantino at the Santa Barbara Film Festival, I hadn't seen Pulp Fiction. The problem? Universal acclaim scares me. There's little upside to writing about a classic movie everyone likes. Praise it, and your review lacks originality. Trash it, and you become the cynical curmudgeon groping for attention. [Editor's note: we tried to convince Ben that watching a classic film might have other benefits, like informing his understanding of movie history, or broadening his overall perspective on American cinema. His response: "Just spellcheck the post please."] So instead of a Roger Ebert-style review, here are five things I learned about Quentin Tarantino while watching Pulp Fiction. *moderate spoilers follow*
There's disappointment, there's crushing disappointment, and then there's M. Night Shyamalan. Blessed with uniquely off-kilter vision and rare minimalist sensibilities, the writer-director somehow squandered his gifts and became the biggest cinematic letdown of the last decade. Only Cuba Gooding Jr. (last film: One in the Chamber) rivals the steepness of his descent.
There's not much nice to say about After Earth, the latest M. Night Shyamalan stinker that apparently stars Will Smith. Still, the film deserves some praise for making three things abundantly clear.
1) Danger is real. 2) Fear is a choice. 3) Jaden Smith is a terrible actor. It's easy to forget, but actors must deliver two performances with each major film or television release. The first performance—the role itself—receives high-profile criticism, as The New York Times, film blogs, podcasters, and latte-sipping Hollywood elites announce their opinions to other similarly pretentious moviegoers. Words like "palpable" and "transporting" lace their conversations, while "seductive" and "spectacle" pepper their reviews. Yet these critics tend to ignore the all-important second performance: off-the-set interviews and late-night television appearances.* A bad film can be excused by an otherwise strong body of cinematic work. Public personas, however, are quickly set in Hollywood stone.
After my first semester of college, I returned home for the holidays, plopping a pile of freshly-graded papers on my parents' kitchen counter. My curious father—a philosophy professor by trade—began reading the piece topping the stack. It was a review of a local Measure for Measure production (if it's still running, don't bother). "This is excellent," he said. "Very clever." Beaming, I began fixing myself a bowl of ice cream. You might have called it a celebration. "Hold on," he said. I turned to find him reading the second paper in the stack, his eyes darting feverishly from line-to-line. "This is not as good," he murmured, his brow rapidly furrowing. "No…this isn't good at all." Ice cream forgotten, I leaned over to see which piece he was scanning. "Ben: this is a philosophy paper. Stop trying so hard to turn it into another play review."
My favorite March Madness column every year is Pat Forde's Best / Worst-Case Scenarios for all 64 Tournament Teams. In that spirit, here are the Wildest Dream and Nightmare scenarios for eight big summer movies.
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TheCroakingFrog
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